the very hardest thing

Earlier, I was eating my lunch and reading Penelope Trunk’s latest blog post on the incompatibility of big careers and involved parenting, when my sister turned up (delivering groceries, because these are things I don’t do when I get busy). I went out to the car to say hi to my niece and my sister told me about a conversation they had this morning in which my niece asked whether I would be finished working once they saw me on stage (at my graduation). Seeing me on stage has become a bit of a metaphor for winning me back from work. She was somewhat disappointed to find out I would still have to work, even if I wouldn’t have to write my book anymore (this is how we talk about my PhD). But I told her I would have weekends back and I’d be able to hang out and then we both said we’re sick of me writing my book all the time.

And this is the very, very hardest thing. Not being able to spend time with my little loves, especially when they really need it.

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